CNN, the AP, the New York Times, Keith Olbermann, and the Mayor of New Orleans: wait until you see what the Outfoxed gals think of them!

Nothing can twist and distort thinking like good old-fashioned hate. That's the only explanation we can think of for the bizarre contortions of the newshounds (another fine product of the Outfoxed cabal). It is amazing to watch when the need to spew venom overruns any kind of reason. But what happens if someone actually takes their drivel seriously? We decided we would take hound logic at face value. When you do that, it's astounding the "facts" that the newspups bring to light.

CNN, USA Today, and the NY Times Covering for Bush Again!

Newspooch Melanie took off after Fox:

Fox Claims the Bush Administration "Denounced" Pat Robertson's Assassination Remark

Mel's complaint? She questioned if comments by the administration "constitute a Bush administration denunciation of what radical Christian cleric Robertson said". No way! Fox is "stretching it" by using the word "denounced". And the kennel-dwellers rushed to agree:

• Anything to defend Bush.
• The White House issued a meak [sic] counterstatement [sic] probably knowing that Fox News among others would spin it as a "denouncement".
• Well, now Fox is rewriting Bush's words to make them more appropriate. Geez, is there anything they can report accurately? I guess not.
• Maybe you don't care if FNL chips away at journalistic standards in minute ways like this example but some people do. Too bad.

There's much more, but you get the message. Bad journalism. Spinning for Bush. You'd think by now these gullible schlubs would know better than to believe what the newspooches say. But no. It turns out that once again, they were duped by the hounds. How so? What did CNN report?:

• US DENOUNCES "INNAPPROPRIATE" COMMENTS

USA Today?

• U.S. denounces assassination idea

And how about the New York Times?

• On Tuesday, Robertson's statements were denounced by both the State Department and by Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.

Clearly, according to the voices from the kennel, the use of "denounced" is just a Fox trick to protect the administration. So what have we learned? That CNN, USA Today, and the New York Times are all part of the conspiracy to cover for Bush! Here endeth the first lesson.

The AP and the Washington Post Are Parrots for Bush!

What has chrish all up in paws lately? What else? Reporting the news:

Mike Emanuel, parroting the administration for Fox, said that military commanders in Iraq expect the activity of the violent extremists to flare up as the election on the constitution, scheduled for October, approaches.

OK, on chrish's planet, telling viewers what military commanders are saying makes you a "parrot" for the administration. There must have been an awful lot of parrots during World War II, but then they weren't aware of chrish's New Rule: statements of military commanders are not to be reported, or else you are carrying water for the President. But it seems it's not just Fox who aren't getting their lessons in journalism from chrish. The Washington Post and the Associated Press report:

• [Maj Gen] Taluto described the insurgency in north-central Iraq, where his troops are operating along with five brigades of U.S.-trained Iraqi soldiers, as resilient but not increasing the volume of its attacks in recent weeks. "We expect that the enemies will increase their attacks, particularly as we run up to the referendum," he said.

So what have we learned? The Washington Post and the Associated Press are just propaganda arms for George Bush! Here endeth the second lesson. But don't leave now...the third is really a pip.

NBC, Keith Olbermann, the Mayor of New Orleans, and the NY Times: Fear-Mongering Racists!

Ellen doesn't think looting is important (unless it is in Baghdad). So she was naturally outraged when Fox dared to report on it:

Sean Hannity suddenly fixed on the "big, big problem" of looting in New Orleans.... Nearly everyone in the video was African American.... I have noted racial insensitivity toward African Americans by FOX News. Frankly, I don't understand why that community hasn't come out in force against FNC

Hmm. Perhaps ellen is suggesting that news media should institute a quota system for reporting on crime. For every black looter a white looter must be found. Even better, get Ted Turner. His expertise in colorizing old movies can be put to use: every looter can be made a different tint!

I have not come across anyone shocked by the looting... In such a dire situation, one might think that looting paled by comparison. But not to Hannity.

An even better solution than colorizing the video: spike the news! Don't cover it because Judge Ellen says so. And newsmutt judy seconds the emotion:

[John] Gibson replayed the tape of the young black male running away during the interview...noting that some looters are stealing guns. Big deal. Guns are legal in this country. Anybody who wants one can get them.

Umm...all right. Just something else the people have no right to know. And by the way, if Orlando Salinas reports on some looting incidents, judy has the answer to that too:

Salinas' account is highly dubious. In fact, it is so vague that it sounds made up.

Yes, some desperate housewife who watches an hour of tv a day and sits at her computer making up stuff is just the person to declare that looting reports are lies. A bit of projection there?

To summarize: looting is an unimportant story, and what's more the reporters are fabricating it, and besides it all stems from racism. So who are these lying racists? The New York Times:

• Opportunistic thieves cleaned out abandoned stores for a second night. Officials said that in one incident a police officer had been critically wounded by gunfire. "These are not individuals looting," Ebbert said. "These are large groups of armed individuals."

Lisa Daniels on MSNBC devoted an entire program block to this "unimportant" story:

• DANIELS: It‘s horrifying that the reports are that some of this is happening in front of cops.

The Washington Post:

• Crisis Grows As Flooded New Orleans Looted..."The looting is out of control. The French Quarter has been attacked," Councilwoman Jackie Clarkson said.

Ellen will no doubt tell you that those scoundrels at BlackNews.com are racially "insensitive":

• Looting became a problem in both Biloxi and in New Orleans, in some cases in full view of police and National Guardsmen. One police officer was shot in the head... On New Orleans' Canal Street, which actually resembled a canal, dozens of looters ripped open the steel gates on clothing and jewelry stores, some packing plastic garbage cans with loot to float down the street....Looters at a Wal-Mart brazenly loaded up shopping carts with items including microwaves, coolers and knife sets. Others walked out of a sporting goods store on Canal Street with armfuls of shoes and football jerseys.

Keith Olbermann must not have gotten ellen's memo, as he too devoted an entire program block to this trivial matter:

• OLBERMANN: Our fourth story on the Countdown tonight, looting.

And to put the capper on this "unimportant" story:

• Mayor Ray Nagin ordered 1,500 police officers to leave their search-and-rescue mission Wednesday night and return to the streets to stop looting that has turned increasingly hostile as the city plunges deeper into chaos.

Nagin's order sounds awfully vague. Judy will tell you that it must have been made up. Or maybe he's just bending to racial prejudice, as per ellen's formulation. So what have we learned? All of these people, from the Times right down to Olbermann and Mayor Nagin, are hyping a story so unimportant it may even be nonexistent. The black community should "come out in force" against them. Because the hounds know better. And here endeth the third, and most preposterous, lesson.